Halloween at the Stacked Deck
by Sunflare2k5
Summary: You're cordially invited to the Arkhamites' Halloween party! Is it time to paint the town blood-red? Note: While this story is set after "Why Didn't You Say So?", it can be read as a stand-alone story.
1. Chapter 1

Halloween at the Stacked Deck, Chapter 1

By Sunflare2k5

Disclaimer: The characters and places mentioned are owned by DC Comics and  
Warner Brothers, and are being used only for entertainment purposes -- not for  
profit. All songs mentioned are copyrighted by their respective artists and labels,  
and are likewise being used only for entertainment purposes instead of profit.

*****************************************************************

As October 31st approached, Gotham City's police were on full alert. Several of  
Arkham Asylum's most notorious inmates were still on the loose... including the  
Joker and Scarecrow. And considering the former's ideas about "tricks" and the  
latter's obsession with bringing fear... the situation was dire.

Batman's increased investigations, with the aid of Robin and Batgirl, indicated  
that the villains could be at the Stacked Deck. Despite the massive sting that  
Batman and the police had successfully performed there several years ago,  
it had only temporarily been shut down. New management had re-opened the  
bar, and it still provided entertainment and haven for the criminal element.  
But security had been significantly improved; the police had yet to get any  
undercover agents into the place.

From the outside, the bar looked near-abandoned. But inside, it was a flurry  
of activity as the staff prepared the place for its Halloween party. Unlike other  
parties, this one was meant to start just as October 30th ended. That way, the  
criminals could have their fun, rest up during the day, and then hit the main  
Halloween events. Whether it was robbing a charity Halloween ball, or slipping  
poisons into the candied apples... there were crimes for every taste on this  
holiday.

Two-Face was hosting this year's party; the Coin had him volunteer, rather than  
going by the usual drawing of lots. He'd chosen the Stacked Deck as the location  
"to give the joint a second chance", as he'd put it. So he was putting every effort  
into this party; plenty of food and liquor for the varied tastes of the Arkhamites  
and other criminals. And as for the "entertainment" -- he'd hired sets of gorgeous  
twins from as far away as Central City. Mainly sets of women, though there were  
some men for those who preferred them.

_They'll be talking about this party for years!_ Two-Face thought smugly, as he eyed  
a pair of witches in abbreviated costumes. He flipped the Coin, tempted to enjoy  
himself a bit before the party started... but the Coin indicated 'no'. "Business  
before pleasure..." he muttered disappointedly. Satisfied that everything was  
going well, Two-Face headed off to prepare his costume...

(to be continued)


	2. Chapter 2

Halloween at the Stacked Deck, Chapter 2

By Sunflare2k5

Two-Face looked himself over in the full-length mirror. It wasn't something  
that he normally did, but tonight he wanted to get his appearance right.  
On the right side of his body, he was clad in a standard GCPD uniform.  
But on the left... it had been dyed to black, except for the bloodstains that  
dripped down from the battered nightstick. From the pockets hung some  
strands of jewelry that were stuffed in by the bundles of "bribe money".  
He grinned wolfishly at the mirror, ignoring Harvey's protests at this mockery  
of the law, and adjusted his hat. "Perfect."

He headed out to the main room, preparing to greet his guests. For if things  
went as expected, the Joker would be showing up early. "You can't start a  
party without me!" the Clown Prince so often declared. And Two-Face was  
right; just as Two-Face reached the door, the Joker made his grand entrance...

The Joker loped in, cigar in hand, doing a perfect Groucho walk. As well he  
should, since Groucho Marx was his chosen costume. He'd had to make the  
eyebrows and mustache out of green greasepaint, to match his hair, but  
otherwise he'd gotten it right. Two of his henchmen had been roped into  
playing Chico and Harpo -- and Harpo had already started honking his horn  
at the nearest blondes.

"Where's Harley?" Two-Face asked.

"She wasn't funny enough..." Joker sneered in reply.

Two-Face's good eye widened in shock. When Joker made that pronouncement,  
whoever he'd targeted with that remark was as good as dead! He flipped the  
Coin, wondering whether to press for details; it indicated "no". Though Harvey  
was worried for her safety, Two-Face still had control.

Killer Croc was the next to show up. He'd added a set of black horns, and black  
fur loincloth and boots, along with red leathery wings and tail. His scale-like  
skin was likewise dyed red, to complete the devil costume. Two-Face, already  
having set this plan, snagged a bamboo skewer of teriyaki chicken from the  
buffet. "Open your mouth." he ordered Croc.

Puzzled, Killer Croc obliged -- only to have Two-Face jab the inside of Croc's  
mouth with the skewer! He snarled, and grabbed Two-Face by the collar. "What  
t'hell wuzzat for?!" he demanded. It didn't actually damage Croc, but it was the  
principle of it!

"Batman... took your place before. Not... again." Two-Face wheezed.

"Oh..." Killer Croc pondered this a bit, then dropped Two-Face. "Yeah, he did..."  
He jabbed Two-Face's chest with one clawed finger. "Don't do dat again!"

"We don't need to... or want to. But we had to double-check our security?"  
Two-Face offered, trying to calm Killer Croc down. The mutant grunted, and  
headed for the buffet.

Several high-ranking members of the local Triad came in next, and Two-Face  
had them directed to a table. He directed staff to send over the Chinese  
women for them, along with their drinks.

Two-Face had to flip the Coin again, to see what to do for the next Arkhamite.  
Poison Ivy glided in, wearing a short white toga and brown sandals laced up  
her shapely calves. Strands of ivy crowned her head and bordered her toga.  
Harvey gave her a polite bow and as much of a smile as he could manage.  
"Pamela, you make a lovely dryad."

"Good Cop/Bad Cop, Harvey?" She offered him a winning smile in return. "It  
suits you." They'd grown closer since she'd found out he wasn't the one who  
sentenced her wild thorny roses to death... but the relationship still had its  
ups and downs.

Several more guests arrived, representing various factions of the criminal  
world. It was agreed that this was neutral territory, and anyone who broke  
that rule would be broken. While Two-Face wasn't inattentive to their wants,  
he was more concerned about the Arkhamites. If they were offended, they  
could cause the most damage. So... where were they all?

(to be continued)


	3. Chapter 3

Halloween at the Stacked Deck, Chapter 3

By Sunflare2k5

Meanwhile, Harley Quinn was digging through her closet. "Said I wasn't  
**right** to play Margaret Dumont, hmph!" She flung a pom-pom over her  
shoulder, that landed wig-like on Bud's head. "Like I _wanted_ to be a  
fat old lady?!" Lou snatched the pom-pom from Bud's head, and ran off  
with it. "Well Mistah J didn't say I couldn't go at _all_, did he?" She pulled  
a bag out of a tall cardboard box, nearly toppling over into the box before  
she held the bag up in triumph. "Got it!" Harley whistled to the hyenas  
that were chasing each other around the room. "Babies, we're goin' out  
tonight!"

The Stacked Deck was rather close to this particular lair, so it didn't take  
long for her to arrive. Harley showed up at the door, in a trenchcoat;  
Bud and Lou in tow behind her on long leashes.

"Did you _have_ to bring the hyenas?!" were the first words out of Harvey's  
mouth; a question both sides of him wanted to ask. Harley ignored the  
appalled Arkhamite, instead calling out to Poison Ivy, "Hey, Red! Couldja  
watch the babies a moment?" Poison Ivy took the leashes, giving Harley  
the chance to shed her trenchcoat.

Beneath it was... not much? Harley was clad only in a leopard-spotted  
bikini, with necklaces, bracelets, and anklets of animal teeth. Her hair  
was left loose, rather than in her usual pigtails. "I just _gotta _have my  
babies -- cause I'm Har-zan of the Hyenas!" She let out a loud yodel,  
like Carol Burnett's version of the Tarzan yell; Bud and Lou harmonized  
with her. Harvey winced, as the trio ran off into the crowd.

As the hyenas gnawed at some bones left behind by Killer Croc, Harley  
felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned -- to find herself facing an undead  
corpse! One spindly hand was still extended toward her; blood stained  
it, his rotting face, and his tattered funeral shroud. Her mouth moved  
soundlessly... and she crumpled to the floor in a dead faint! Bud and Lou  
growled at the intruder, until he pulled a vial of smelling salts from his  
sleeve. The scent drove them back, and he waved the vial under her nose.

Harley awoke to find the corpse still standing over her. But before she  
could scream, he spoke. "I didn't think I'd have _that_ much effect on you,  
my child?" He offered her a hand up, which she accepted... now that she  
finally recognized his voice.

"Geez, Professor... give a girl some warning, willya?" Harley hushed the  
hyenas, who were still growling at the costumed Scarecrow. "And _what_  
are you?"

"The Red Death..." Scarecrow bowed over her hand. "The death of the  
party, as Prince Prospero discovered." He paused. "Haven't you ever  
read Poe?"

"Yeah!" Harley's face lit up. "MAD Magazine did 'The Raven' way long ago.  
Y'know, when it was still funny?" Scarecrow's wince went unnoticed by  
her.

Meanwhile, back at the main door... Two-Face was questioning the new  
arrival. "Tetch, aren't you supposed to dress as someone else today?"

"I **am** in disguise!" the Mad Hatter insisted, though he was dressed in  
an outfit rather like his usual costume. The suit and hat were now maroon,  
with a dark blue vest. And Tetch had donned wire-rimmed sunglasses,  
with yellow lenses. "And I'll prove it, if those gentlemen will step aside?"  
He indicated a couple of Yakuza higher-ups that had started up the  
karaoke machine.

As they'd finished, the Mad Hatter checked over the selections and gave  
a satisfied grin. "Ah... _there_ you are?" He punched it up, and took the stage.  
"Ladies and gentlemen," he announced, "Tonight, I stand before you...  
not as myself..."

"That's an improvement!" the Joker yelled out, to laughter from the crowd.

The Mad Hatter glared, then continued. "But as Tom Petty!" He started up  
the music, and the accompanying video with the lyrics showed on the screen  
behind him. He was actually a decent singer, crooning "Don't Come Around  
Here No More" as the screen portrayed Tom Petty as the Mad Hatter, who  
punished an unfaithful Alice.

"What were you expecting... 'White Rabbit'?" he grinned as the song ended.

(to be continued)


	4. Chapter 4

Halloween at the Stacked Deck, Chapter 4

By Sunflare2k5

The Joker, never one to be upstaged, took the mike next along with his henchmen.  
They did a "medley" of the Marx Brothers' funniest scenes… and did them well!  
The laughter and applause from the audience were genuine, not out of fear of  
what the Joker would do to them for "not getting it". _Too bad we couldn't do the  
stateroom scene – that would've brought down the house!_ Joker thought to  
himself as he took his bows. Then he gave the assembled criminals a wide grin.  
"Top that!" he declared.

"Hey, Red!" Harley squealed, as she looked over the karaoke selections. "Lookit  
what I found!" She was oblivious to the Joker's glare, which threatened to burn  
her to ashes. _What is __she__ doing here?! I __told__ her she wasn't funny enough to be  
here… Can't that bleached-blonde twit catch a clue?_ Joker snarled mentally.

Poison Ivy hurried over to Harley, partly to see what her friend had found. But  
mostly to intercept the Joker, if he tried something! Her vines weren't just for  
decoration; the cuttings could survive some hours, and then just needed to be  
stuck in some soil to grow into full ivy plants. And that was before she'd amped up  
their endurance and durability!

Two-Face flipped the Coin, to see if he should intervene; to Harvey's disappointment,  
it indicated "no". The Joker and his henchmen finally left the stage as Harley and Ivy  
headed toward it. "Hit it, boys!" Harley called out to the stage technician, and he  
started up the music. The ladies launched into "Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves",  
to cheers and leers from the audience.

From the bar, Two-Face watched Ivy intently as she sang.  
_I want to let her know how I feel!_ Harvey's voice cried out in their shared mind.  
_**Not a chance; you'll make a fool of us!**_ Two-Face snapped back.  
_Then let the Coin decide it…_ Harvey insisted.  
He flipped the Coin – and it was the unscarred side that shone back at Two-Face.  
_**We're doomed…**_ Two-Face grumbled mentally.  
_The Coin's favored you too many times; it's my turn!_ Harvey's mentally proclaimed  
as he stood up and headed over to the karaoke machine. A few flips later, Harvey  
had found a song.

Just as Harley and Ivy were leaving the stage, Harvey called out, "Ivy – _Pamela_!  
Please don't go?" She turned to face him, as he hurried onto the stage. The tech  
started the music, as Harvey sang "Build Me Up, Buttercup" to Poison Ivy. While  
his voice wasn't the best, she could tell he was sincere in his feelings. The criminals  
snickered… until she interrupted Harvey's singing with a deep, passionate kiss!  
He dropped the mike to embrace her, and return the kiss as best he could…

Only to be interrupted by a blare of sirens! **"All of you in the building, surrender  
now – we have you surrounded!"** Commissioner Gordon's voice was amplified  
over the bullhorn. For while the criminals had been inside partying, Batman and  
his allies had taken down the guards and security systems so that the police could  
move in and arrest the gathered mob!

And all hell broke loose…

(to be continued)


	5. Chapter 5

Halloween at the Stacked Deck, Chapter 5

By Sunflare2k5

A quick flip of the Coin, and Harvey took Ivy's wrist. "We've got to get you out  
of here!" he told her firmly. She took a look around for Harley, but the blonde  
was already trying to catch up with the Joker. Ivy nodded and took Harvey's  
lead. They hurried backstage, to a small emergency exit. "This may still be  
guarded." he warned her.

In response, the vines on her dryad costume began to writhe around her body  
snakelike. "I'm ready… and you?" she asked. He draw the nightstick. "Just enough  
force to get them away from us – agreed?" Ivy nodded; she wasn't that fond of  
brute force, herself.

The police already had their hands full with catching the mob trying to rush out  
of the main doors; only one pair was guarding this neglected-looking doorway.  
Ivy's vines whipped out, pulling the police off balance… and two quick blows with  
the nightstick finished the fight. Harvey rushed Ivy along to his car; between her  
pollen attacks and a few shots meant to keep the police's heads down, they  
finally made their escape.

Meanwhile… the Joker, Harley, and their henchmen and hyenas were making a  
break for it through the kitchen. "Stooges time!" Joker grinned, hefting a cast  
iron skillet and testing it for balance. Chico and Harpo, being more pragmatic,  
helped themselves to the knives. And Harley was busy trying to keep Bud and Lou  
from raiding the fridges. "Not now, babies… we gotta get outta here!" she scolded.

Joker peeked through the greasy windows, and saw the police lying in wait for  
them. As Harley and the hyenas finally reached the doors, Joker shoved her as  
hard as he could, sending her flying outside! **"Catch!"** he yelled as he shoved  
her, then he darted to the side as she and the leashes got tangled up with the  
police. Chico and Harpo tried to keep up, but their boss was quicker. At the  
nearest police car, he gassed its driver with Joker venom… then hijacked the  
vehicle to make his escape!

Harley was trapped! The police had untangled themselves first, and had their  
weapons trained on her and the hyenas. But then, with a few small pops, small  
clouds of greenish-yellow mist appeared around the policemen's heads… and  
they dropped their weapons and started screaming! The Scarecrow, still in his  
Red Death costume, offered Harley a hand up. "That formula's heavier than air;  
you don't want to be down there…" he warned.

They ran past Killer Croc, who was busy trying to jackhammer Batman's head  
into the parking lot. Two women in scanty leather outfits and a multitude of  
tattoos and piercings were also in the fight, kicking at the Caped Crusader.  
**"Ya &!$#*!^ **_**JERK**__**! **_**I was gonna get ****laid****!"** Croc roared at Batman, slamming  
him into the asphalt again. "You're so masterful…" one tattooed twin cooed  
to Croc. "And so powerful!" her sister agreed, aiming another kick.

"…go figure…" Harley muttered, as Scarecrow pulled a small remote from his  
shroud. With it, he popped open the rear door of a hearse. "Get in; I'll drive!"  
he told her. "I had this armored to protect my supplies; we should be able to  
break through the barricades!" Harley and the hyenas scrambled in, and she  
locked the door. Just in time, as the hearse shot forward for a small gap where  
the police cars had their doors open. Though they shot at the hearse, it had  
little effect, and Scarecrow ended up tearing their doors off as he smashed  
through!

Only those five criminals escaped. Batman, though battered, finally managed  
to overcome Killer Croc with some blows to the scaly villain's knees. And once  
he was down, the girls were easy to subdue. The police herded the criminals  
off to jail, or Arkham Asylum, as needed. And Gotham City was much safer  
for that Halloween…

(The End)

Author's Notes: Well… not _quite_ the end? I've got sequels for what happened  
with our two pairs of Arkhamites – coming soon!


End file.
